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The first H1N1 flu joke I've heard.
Singaporeans are kiasu (怕输). Hongkies are kiasi (怕死). I say Filipinos are aisi (爱死, want to die); as in Filipinos will do just about everything, foolish or otherwise, just to get away with anything.
I just read a joke that perfectly illustrates this (aren't all jokes based on truths?), though a bit abbreviated and made understandable for non-Filipinos.
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new chairman for Microsoft Europe.
5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate was a Filipino.
Bill Gates: "Thank you for coming. We'll do this by process of elimination to speed up the process. Those who do not know JAVA may leave." 2,000 people left the room. Filipino guy said to himself, "I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try."
Bill Gates: "Candidates with no experience managing more than 1000 employees may leave."
2000 people left the room. Filipino guy said to himself, "I never managed anybody but myself but I'm staying. What could happen to me?"
Bill Gates: "Candidates without management diplomas may leave."
500 people left the room. Filipino guy said to himself, "I never even graduated, but what have I got to lose?" So he stayed.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked candidates who did not speak Serbo-Croat to leave.
498 people left the room. Filipino says to himself, "What the hell is Serbo-Croat? But I've gotten this far, I have to stay on."
So he stayed and found himself standing with only one other candidate in the room. Everyone else had eliminated themselves.
Bill Gates joined both candidates and said: "Apparently you two are the only candidates with terrific management skills speaking Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you converse in that language."
Calmly, Filipino guy turned to the other candidate and said, "Kumusta ka, pare ko" (How are you? in Tagalog)
Without batting an eyelash, the other candidate replied, "Mabuti naman. Ikaw?: (Oh, I'm fine. How about you? in Tagalog)
And that, my friends, is how Filipinos can conquer the world.
Next time you need to be pretentiously witty...1. He who jumps off a bridge in Paris is in Seine.
2. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
3. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
4. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
5. Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.
6. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
7. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
8. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
9. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
10. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
11. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
12. When two egoists meet, it's an I for an I.
13. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
14. Definition of a will: a dead give away.
15. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
16. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
17. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
18. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
19. If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
20. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
21. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
22. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
23. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
24. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
25. Every calendar's days are numbered.
26. A lot of money is tainted - it taint yours and it taint mine.
27. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
28. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
29. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
30. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
31. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
32. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
33. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
This video made me laugh today, which had been coming far in between.
Everybody really needs to just let loose that belly laugh and guffaw at least once a day. For the sake of our sanities.
(This may not make any sense to most people, but I just love the message)
This kind of reminds me of that "Dial a mental health help-line" joke
RING…RING….. (Musical voice) Welcome to the Mental Health Help Line.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
Courtesy of Mr Brown.... What does Sir Ian Mckellen want to do in Singapore?
Imagine bumping into Gandalf in Towel Club screaming "you cannot passss!"
Sir Ian even got Singapore into Towleroad. Apparently he was also a guest at Class 95 and made the following comment.
"Just treat us with respect like we treat everybody else and the world will be a better place, I think. Coming to Singapore where unfortunately you've still got those dreadful laws that we British left behind... it's about time Singapore grew up, I think, and realised that gay people are here to stay."
King Lear is running from 19 to 22 July but I suppose he won't be showing up on live TV or radio after that. Too bad he'll be gone for by the time Indignation comes around. Now that would be fun.
It always happens that when I am in the company of new acquiantances, particularly when you are bound by some quirk of fate to spend some inordinate time in their midst, you tend to do a bit of Sherlock Holmes in your interactions. It may not polically correct to judge a book by first impressions, but don't you sometimes find book covers more enjoyable than the book itself? Ditto with movie trailers and the movie itself. Oh yes. One is definitely PLU, two even. Elementary my dear Watson.
Aside from encountering the police on an entrapment exercise, here's another reason to be wary of internet video chat rooms.
When I first heard the PM's "punchline", I didn't get it. Must have been something only locals could understand, or maybe its because Mee Siam doesn't really agree with my taste buds. But a quick check with my "specialist in singapore affairs" dr s, it was apparent that the "punchline" was not funny at all, but the implication certainly was. Mr Brown elaborates further by doing a remix of the "allegedly punchline that ain't funny at all", just in case you missed it.
This is so worth your 5 minutes. If you believe that the entire Bah Chor Mee episode was enough to get him fired, this one may land him in more trouble.
I just hope the humour is not lost on the relevant authorities. As we say back home - "Ang pikon laging talo" (The poor sport always end up the loser)
Interesting. Exactly what happened here that made Prince Harry defy palace protocol not to burst out laughting while in the Queen's presence?
Go discuss and speculate.
